There is nobody

who has less sleep than me.

Well there might be, but I am sure I have less sleep than anyone I know. Yes, back to my favourite topic of sleep deprivation and my understanding that nobody is more tired than me.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be flying the flag of “Nobody has more sleep than me!” but I doubt that flag will ever land on my doorstep. Just yesterday, I saw my friend Gemma and she had slept in until 11:00. Admittedly she does work shifts and her body clock is all over the place but it didn’t prevent me from wanting to harm her when she said it. Not to the extent that I am needing to attend anger management classes, but a sly nip on the arm would have left me feeling much better about her having a cracking night’s sleep. Sorry Gemma.

It always sounds so melodramatic, but lack of sleep always leaves me feeling that way. I feel like a diabetic who’s sugar levels have reached a dangerously low level and teetering almost slightly on the edge. I’m not greedy either; not after 10 hours, just a steady 8 hours without any interruption. Am I seriously asking for too much?

This latest episode feels like a punishment for a good night out. A school reunion resulted in a late night/early morning and the following night, I was desperate for sleep.

I heard Joseph’s shrill tones and I managed to open a quarter of my eye and quickly recognised it was pitch black and inwardly groaned. I checked the clock and it was 02:45 and immediately began a round of fucks in my head. I knew my own alarm was set for 05:45 and that it would be doubtful either of us would be going back to sleep.

Like a three-legged Bambi, I staggered out of the room and navigated the dip across the top of the landing before arriving face to face with Joseph who was sat up in bed, torch on and happily playing with his helicopters. There was no softly softly approach happening and I told him in the straightest way possible, “It’s bedtime. The stars are out on the clock. Turn the torch off. Put your toys away.” And just for good measure, gave him my mental eyes (which were now half way open) and said “No iPad in the morning if you don’t go back to sleep.”

I hobbled back across the landing, wondering when the day would could come when I succumb to the stairs during one of Joseph’s waking episodes. I laid in bed cursing and feeling sorry for myself once again. I was now wide awake and was considering my options. Throw myself down the stairs to get a week in hospital or suck it up and try and do what I was expecting from Joseph and go back to sleep. I decided that throwing myself downstairs on my next trip to Joseph’s room was a little extreme and that my last hospital visit resulted in even less sleep than I usually have. Did I want to go to those measures?

I must have eventually dozed off and was woken again by the familiar chirping sounds of Joseph. I looked at the clock and it was just after 04:00. My mental eyes were obviously not mental enough and my threats had no effect, so I visited his room again. I told him how I was upset that he was awake and how he must go back to sleep and there DEFINITELY would be no iPad. I heard him for a little while longer and then must have drifted back to sleep again as the next I knew, my fitbit was buzzing to let me know it was time to get up.

Being quite obsessed with the stats you can pick up from the fitbit, I was intrigued to see what it would tell me about my sleep that night. Kev isn’t convinced some of the figures are entirely correct. I think this is based on it saying my heart rate is that low at night I am almost dead. I’m not sure how it calculates when I am asleep as opposed to restless but I know I didn’t have the 6 hours 50 minutes it recorded. The plus side is, I had acquired extra steps in the night when most other people were knocking the zeds out.

Too many blue lines for my liking!
The lack of sleep, coupled with a cold/sinus problems ensured my working day was harder for both me and everyone who had to look at my sorry face and I couldn’t wait to get home and chill.

That night, I tried to get to bed at a reasonable time and catch up on some much needed rest. It didn’t take long before I was zonked out but when I heard coughing from Joseph’s room and realised it was still dark, I wanted to sob loudly. I knew nobody would hear me so checked the clock, played the dutiful Mum and wore some more threads out on the carpet. It was 04:00 so an improvement on the day before. I did go a little easier on Joseph given I had heard him coughing and felt guilty about insisting he went back to sleep if he was unwell. Two more trips later and then I didn’t hear him again until after my own alarm went off. Whether he went back to sleep again is another matter but I am sincerely hoping that it’s not going to be a run of three nights. One night off would be appreciated.

I collected him from school to be told that he’d had a little sleep at lunchtime. Is it wrong to be jealous of your son having a cheeky daytime nap? On the way home, he was nodding off again so I wound all the windows down and offered him my iPhone which I’d previously decided he wasn’t having. There was no way this child was going to sleep now and spending all night awake.

Not long after we had got home, I thought the house seemed a little quiet so I checked upstairs. Joseph was asleep in bed. I took great delight on waking him from his peaceful slumber and telling him to come downstairs. He was begging me to leave him and said he needed his blanket.  Bribes of crisps and iPad weren’t even cutting the mustard and I literally had to drag him from the top bunk.

I asked him if he was feeling ok as I was starting to question some of his behaviour. He said he had a poorly elbow. So Mental Eyes Mum has been replaced with Guilty Mum as this probably explains the night waking.

I’m still not happy about being up at stupid o’clock though!

No doubt we’ll be having a chat before bedtime again, everything I say will go straight over the top of his head and we’ll be spinning the wheel to decide as to whether it’s going to be an early start or a ridiculously early start.

How many hours until bed?


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