In the Beginning…

I had thrown around the idea of writing a blog for some years and have been encouraged by friends to give it a go and for obvious reasons never actually made my writing public.

It’s one thing being honest with yourself about your feelings but very different exposing your soul to anyone who clicks on the link. When I first started writing a couple of years ago I bounced around from feeling a sense of therapy by writing my experiences but also quite drained and it stopped. What I wanted to do was be able to look back on the difficult times and think “Yes it was hard then but I got through it” but unfortunately I don’t think I was in the right place mentally at that time to be able to follow it through.

So now, here I go again and I suppose ultimately and selfishly I wanted to feel I have gained something from my ramblings but equally if I can help others in similar situations that would be fantastic. Some of what has already been written was done with tears and some with laughter and hopefully you will see the rollercoaster life that we lead in living with autism.

Before I can discuss the present, I need to discuss the past and the course of events that brought us up to this point. I regret that I hadn’t had the strength to write about Joseph from the start as I am sure that the depth of feelings felt at the time would be recounted more eloquently had I not waited so long.

Joseph was a much longed for child. They always say you shouldn’t wait to have a child until you can afford one, otherwise you never will. But we did wait. We wanted to provide a stable financial start for our young offspring. My ex-husband had come from a big family and always said he didn’t want the same size family. He didn’t want us to scrimp and save and said one child would ‘satisfy his curiosity’. I on the other hand, couldn’t see myself with just the one child but was under no illusions as to how difficult raising a child would be so was happy to see how we went with a first.

I tried to do everything the right way, taking the recommended vitamins and folic acid before trying to conceive and was reasonably fit and exercising on a regular basis. I had a relatively easy pregnancy and as far as I was concerned it was all a case of mind over matter.

I now know that isn’t always the case and Joseph came into this world approximately 4 weeks early. At 10:17 on Wednesday 19th March, Joseph made his entry, weighing 7lb 1oz. I looked at him and didn’t actually believe he was mine. I wondered when I would feel an overwhelming amount of love for the small screwed up bundle that they handed me. He had very dark hair like his Dad and a big red mark across his nose; that was my first impressions of him. Labour didn’t go how I expected and the days, weeks and months that followed didn’t get any easier. Although Joseph was born healthy we spent much of our time at the GP practice or hospital, seeing to his blocked tear duct and his reflux.

I should have actually wrote a blog on reflux (in addition to sleep deprivation!) as it dominated our lives for 18 months and as such, Joseph was never an easy child to settle to say the least. So at the time we were given his diagnosis (aged 3 years and 8 months) I felt like my whole world had been blown apart. I am sure I am not the only one who made plans for their unborn children. Would they be athletics superstars? Doctors? Teachers? And here it was – with one label someone seemingly removed my hopes and ambitions for my small child.



7 Comments Add yours

  1. Kirsty @ My Home Truths says:

    Funnily enough my autistic son was my first born and also weighed 7lb 1 oz when born. I had a dream pregnancy but a difficult birth and it wasn’t long before we receved his first diagnosis of oculocutaneous albinism at 11 weeks of age (he received his autism diagnosis just after his 4th birthday). He’s now 12 and I wish I had’ve blogged those early years too. But I am glad to now have a record of my family collected over the last nearly 6 years of bloggging. I wish you well with your blogging too!

  2. Tina Medlock says:

    Thanks Kirsty. I did see lots of similarities in our stories, I so wish I had started the blogging much earlier but we’re doing it now and that’s what counts 🙂

  3. I remember a photo I have of Anthony in a tiny little suit when we took him to a wedding.. At the time I thought he looked like he was angling for Prime Minister. Now I look on the same photo a bit differently. But I still see my gorgeous boy. Thanks so much for linking to #spectrumsunday

  4. my first born, a boy, was diagnosed with autism last year at 2 years and 10 months. I relate to a lot of what you say here. He also suffered terribly from reflux. I am still coming to terms with things myself. Thanks so much for linking with #SpectrumSunday

  5. Elizabeth says:

    I just have to say this blog is so inspiring! I would like to get in touch with someone about collaborating and partnerships. I am involved with an organization that creates inclusion for students with special needs. We are launching a blog and we would love to speak with you about being a guest writer. Please email me, when you have a moment.

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